Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
