well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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