So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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