it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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