I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
