That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it was like eating out sand paper
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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