peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
this is an emotional support booty call
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize