Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize