i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
