Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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