all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
