What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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