how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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