if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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