I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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