You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
