Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
