my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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