omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
