now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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