1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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