dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize