Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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