Define "chronic" masturbator.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
