can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
