Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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