dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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