Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
