just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize