I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
