i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
