You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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