I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We were destined to go to rehab together
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
