his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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