You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
