We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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