u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry my hands just texted you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
