You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
