I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
