I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
