Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
