I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
