I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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