walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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