I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
