I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
