you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
