He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
