drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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