You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
