Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
