So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Fuck appropriateness.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
