Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize