i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I haven't been this sober since birth.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize