Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
