There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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