Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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