sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
