im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize