I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
