At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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