So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
