You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize