So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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