someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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