just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
