Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
