somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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